hot showers and dreamscapes

man, there is nothing better than having the whole house to yourself. seriously, its the one time a person can do the stuff they want to with no-one breathing down their neck complaining and teling them not too. so i got up this morning, turned my stereo up so loud i nearly shattered my window, and had an hour long hot shower. then, i had mountain dew for breakfast. fucking awsome!

oh i do love mountain dew. never used to be a big fan, but i have recently developed an addiction to it. nice one jim, this is your fault for taking us to KFC so often!

im also addicted to multi v juice, all forms of energy drink, sex, fire, loud music, and icecream. just thought i'd list those off while i was here. might need them for future referancing or something...

but my shower actually lead me to have a very weird phylosophical conversation with myself. mainly revolved around dreams actually. are our dreams conscious or not??? i mean, do we consciously think them up during our sleep as a form of entertainment untill we wake up, or are they just distorted images and pictures of stuff we've thought during the day played in a slideshow??? the interesting thing about dreams are that we dont actually know what part of the brain generates them, we dont know if other animals dream, we dont know why some people find it easier to remember dreams then others, we dont know if we have any control over our dreams (would have thought freddy krueger would have shown them that we do :P), and prehaps most interestingly, our dreams actually dont serve any purpose whatsoever. there is no forseeable need for them, they havn't actually been proven to do anything beneficial for us at all. they dont even leave any evidence of themselves, save for the final image that is often still in the eyes of people when they wake up, as if burnt to the retina somehow. if it werent for the fact that everyone dreams, they would probably be considered a myth, as there is no physical proof of their existence.

yea, all this happened while i was sitting under a heavy stream of hot water. twas pleasant. but i had another thought.

my stereo was playing breaking benjamin at the time. man, there an awsome band. anyway, i was under the water, and it suddenly reminded me of a bed, with its sheets and quilts, the way the warm water just blankets and covers you. i havnt got one of those new use-less-water shower heads, i got the old kind that just pours out gallons of water every minute, and the effect literally is like a warm, wet blanket covering you. its a nice feeling after you've just woken up.

but i couldnt fit my massive legs under the water, so i had to go into the fetal position in order to be completely under the water. but for some reason there was a clod breeze in my house this morning :S go figure. and as i was under the water, any part of me that slipped out of the water was hit with this cold breeze, and it was REALLY cold! so i was at the same time really warm and really cold. it was a conflicting feeling. then i managed to squeeze myself into the size of a small briefcase, so every part of me was under the water. and there was warmth everywhere, and i looked out at the world through my watery veil, and it looked better than it usually does. but even though i was completely under water so to speak, i still felt cold.

despite the fact i was submerged in hot water, i still felt cold. like someone had let the breeze into the water itself. but thats impossible, i thought. there cant be cold water coming out, otherwise all the water would be cold. then i had a brainwave. what if the cold is coming from me???

it makes sense, why else would i be struggling so hard to get warm all the time??? why is it people are sometimes repelled by me??? why do i stay close to the warm people in my life??? because im cold. i stick around all my warm friends and try to get warm, but it only works for the time im around them. its like im the winter girl from wicked lovely. the cold inhabits you, yet you are not of the cold, so it causes you pain, and you try to get warm. but because the cold inhabits you, the warmth slowly kills you, even though you feel better when your near it. also explains why i never get cold in the winter and i never feel too hot in the summer.

i am the ice man!!! mwuhahahaha!!! actually i dont want to be ice. i like fire so much better. and if im ice, any fires i light might hurt me. and i wouldnt like that at all. if im ice, i cant hug anyone, cause i'll steal there warmth, and il be so cold they stick to me. and if they stay stuck to me, il melt with so much warmth. plus the person stuck to me is going to catch a cold. and if im ice, then i can never be warm again. i like being warm. i dont want to be ice any more. someone, melt me before i freeze over.