Rollerskating

Hey want to go a fundraiser for Tafe with me?

Sure!

It's at a rollerdrome in Moorly.

.......as in... skating....

Yes...

Oh goodie!

I haven't tried to skate since I was about... 7? Oh goodie this is going to be great! Long bus trip time! OK so we're here but no one else is because we're half an hour early. So we (Lorna, her friend and I btw) decide to go find food.... which was surprisingly hard to find when you're surrounded by random businesses that sell matresses and fridges (which unfortunately aren't food!) but we were kindly picked up by one of Lorna's friends who was driving past (it was rather scary... walking along -at night -when this voice says our names from behind and asks us if we're lost) and directed to the food! Also known as Nando's. (Nando's! Yay! The place were their chips taste good cold) Now armed with a bag of food we went back to the rollerdrome! (the dreaded... dreaded... evil rollerdrome....)

How do I know what size I am?

*points*

Ah.

5 minutes later:

I don't think these come in a bigger size... I sure hope they're not too small...

I sure hope these aren't too big...

(I'll leave you to try and figure out who that dialogue belongs to... until you read the next sentence)

Turns out that they just fitted me. Took a bit of effort to get those on but I managed to squeeze into them. Surely there must be people out there with bigger feet than me (as much as I'd like to brag about having large feet I'm sure there's a store that sells shoes larger than the ones I've got... just need to find it) so they must've had some special large ones for such an occasion...

Waaa! OK... wow I feel tall! I'm so tall... the wall is my friend. Agh how do you move in these things?

Suddenly, a little girl about 4 or 5 skates past us quite fast with complete control over what she was doing.....

What!? That little girl is so good and I can't even move! Ergh! *Tries to walk normally* Aha! I have managed to get forward!

OK you know what Willy Wonka sounds like? Yeah... dirty. Well let's just say "Wonka" man also came blazing along on the outside of the rink right past us. He had a very annoying way of stopping/slowing down. He'd go all ice-skater on you and stop by scraping his skates along horizontal to his path so it'd slow him down quickly while going EEERRRRR!!!! The weird thing was he was middle aged... when everyone else was either 14 (because of some kids birthday party) or 17-20 (Tafe + me! Yay for youngest older?) except for the 4 year old girl (whose skates were so large and thick compared to her legs I wondered how she was even able to move them...) so there he was... this strange old man skating around amateurs like a semi-pro making us all feel pathetic and giving some of a feeling of impending doom as we wonder if he's stopping behind us because maybe he's about to hit us....

Hey let's go trip some pretentious little kids who think they're better than us...

Unfortunately they're just too fast to trip up and whiz past you when you're trying to learn how to move forward. Curse them!

Meanwhile, Wonka man is still skating round in circles!

OK everyone it's time for a GAME!

What?

OK you all need to skate to a circle with a number in it and when I say stop you stop. Then we roll a dice and the number that lands the people in that circle are out!

No one informed me they'd boss me around with large fluffy dice!

Once I got into the circle I thankfully had so little momentum I came to a stop halfway through. I didn't know how to stop let alone how to get moving properly... I didn't get out so wasn't apparently allowed to leave. Damn, have to go to a new circle? How!? I managed to get into a circle all by my self.... awww...

Well, the games came on and off, being replaced by general skating or me getting off the rink to go avoid having to try and move around. I learnt how to stop during my time of the rink though! It often involved me coming towards a wall and then stopping sudenly while trying to look non-chalante and then pose and go "Hey..." to anyone nearby.

Damn ranga kid nearby would then skate past and say "EPIC FAIL!" to which I'd reply: "SHUT UP!" (I'm ever so witty)

After half a bag of Nando's chips and some practice I had managed to become moderately adequate at skating! I was now capable of moving forward at a reasonable pace without wobbling, toppling or falling! (Which I rarely did even when I had barely any control over what I was doing) When I wobbled I'd just straighten up and then pose to show just how awesome I am that I didn't fall over that time! Wow!

EPIC FAIL!

Shut up! I'm not epic fail!

Mwahaha it's so fun chasing people down with skates then actually being able to manuever away from the wall before you hit it! It didn't take too long to learn how to do this :) I'm so glad I am no longer grossly inadequate and incompetant compared to that little 4 year old that likes to surpass me. (It's always a good sign when I have overcome my inadequacies brought on by small children....?) Well by the end I was even turning round in mid skate and going the other direction without falling over! Was absolutely wonderful! I felt so awesome.

And so did Wonka man... singing along to all the songs (loudly) and skating rings around us all... hence his name "Wonka" man. Oh yes.... what a Wonka he is to be singing obnoxiously to songs while he shows off. Well I decided to mock him and go "WONKA MAN AWAY!" and pose but it unfortunately led to me falling over and completely stacking it... this was just after I had decided I was stable enough I didn't need wrist guards and so took them off so I could hold hands with Lorna... ow. Oh well. Strangely enough she only wanted to hold hands while stationary because she didn't seem to think that I was completely good enough to skate right next to in case I fall over and accidentally drag her down/land on her... I wonder why...

By the end of the night I still didn't know how to stop properly and had to rely on people getting out of my way while I slowed down... it worked pretty reliably actually.

OK everyone get into couples! It's your last chance to win a prize for this evening! OK the couples just have to do as I say! Skate holding hands with your partner!

Awww....

OK now when I say change, change direction! Change!

OK. This doesn't seem too hard.

Change!

Urgh...

Change! OK now go low... skate as low as you can... and now stretch up high! Now low again...... lower.... everyone participate come on. Now high. Low. High. Low. High! Low! High! Low! Sit down! Stand up! Now do sit ups! More! More! OK and up......... and change.......... change....... change. Change. Change. Change. Change! Change! Changechangechangechangechange!

F*** you lady!

Changechangechangechangechangechange! Alright! I think that's enough. Goodnight everyone, please return your gear.

No last song? Oh well. Did you enjoy yourself?

Yes, I did very much. And now I know how to skate :) I also didn't fall down more than a few times!

Very good!

And that was the tale of how I learnt to fall down gracefully....

The end.