Monday, June 29, 2009

merlin and arthur and the legends of old

the show merlin is so riddled with errors its not funny!

dont get me wrong, i find it entertaining to watch on a sunday night as much as the next guy. but seriously, ok i grew up with the legends of king arthur and the knights of the round table when i was really young. like when i was about 9 i went through this massive king arthur phase and i read probably 10 books full of different alterations of the legends. but noooooooooo, merlin just takes all those classic legends, bends them over its knee and sodomises them with excalibur.

i would like to start out by pointing out the most glaringly obvious and one of the most idiotic mistakes ever made in the history of television: MERLIN WAS AN OLD MAN WHEN ARTHUR WAS A YOUNG BOY!!!!!!!!!!

seriously, you cant possibly fuck something that simple up quite as badly as the shows creators did. "hmmmm, it sais here merlin is supposed to be some old guy" "phhh, its hard enough to find no talent child actors, let alone old folks. just make it so that he's a kid or something" "wait, then how does arthur come into the story?" "i dunno, make them both kids or something"

another thing i would like to point out: guinevere is supposed to be a princess or queen who gets with arthur. she is not a maid who has the hots for merlin. mainly because merlin is supposed to be a fossil. also because when arthur and guinevere first meet, arthur is a ruggedly hansome middle aged king type. who could resist??? another flaw, and i gotta admit this one is kinda mean........ guinevere is supposed to be atractive. sorry to all the shows fans, but be honest, she's not that pretty at all. i dunno, maybe thats just me.

arthur never knew his dad. uther pendragon pretty much abandoned him and his mum at birth, mainly because he had just become king and didnt want some stupid brat and nagging wife hanging around cramping his kingly style. also camelot was founded by arthur, not uther, and magic was never banned from the land, or at all. i mean, he's merlin, the mightiest magician ever. you dont fuck with merlin, or he'll zap your ass into a frog or something. you think a few guys with long spears are gonna stop him from casting spells???

excalibur was not just a regular sword forged by guinevere's dad that had a dragon breathe on it. it was far older than merlin or guineveres dad, and dragons had little to do with its forging. and merlin didnt throw it into a lake, it was kept there by the lady of the lake until such a time as one destined to become king of the britons came along to collect it.

lancelot was always a noble. only nobles could become knights, and lancelot was one of the first knights arthur met on his quest to unite briton. and lancelot wasnt a kid when he met arthur, both were middle aged. although i like how they kept guinevere and lancelots feelings for each other wich eventually make a love triangle that arthur is unaware of in the show. kinda redeemed it a little.

the dragon is interesting. i like how the show kept it in, and i like its back story, as well as the voice actor is a legend, particularly because he played adam suttler in V for Vendetta. however, once again the dragons back story was different. first of all, there was not one, but two dragons. a red one and a white one. the red one symbolised the king of that time, the white one his enemies. the dragons eggs were found at the foot of a tower the king (actually more of a tyrant/conquerer figure) was trying to build. the dragons hatched and had this massive battle in the sky, and eventually the white one killed the red dragon. shortly after, the king/tyrant/conquerer was over-run by his enemies and brought down along with his tower. merlin see's all this as a child, and keeps one of the dragons teeth, and shows it to arthur later on in his life.

merlins childhood is actually moderately accurate to what the legends proclaim. he never grew up in a castle, actually a small village, but he did have some old magician dude who helped him out, and other kids feared him for his magical powers. he was also an avid reader and predicted a solar eclipse simply by reading through anals and astrological charts.

ok, i think im all outraged-out for now. maybe il think of some more and add to this later. oh well, il catch you all later.

9 comments:

sam-ham said...

haha how true. I loved the line: "merlin just takes all those classic legends, bends them over its knee and sodomises them with excalibur." lovely image.
You lost me here though: "simply by reading through anals and astrological charts." reading through anals?! what?! I think I missed something here.

Rayne said...

bonkers....plain bonkers....:)
really good points though.....
x

$parks said...

wow
you really know your Merlin, Authur stuff dont you
exactly how many times have u read those books?

Bec said...

The worst thing about these errors is that they aren't small! I can understand and forgive small, obscure facts that only an avid mythology follower would know, but not these! 'merlin just takes all those classic legends, bends them over its knee and sodomises them with excalibur.
'... gotta agree. That was fantastic.

the thing that should not be said...

wow, people like my random outbursts against tv and society...

oh, and its ment to say annals, as in like a collection of historical books. i think i missed out an N in there somewhere.....

and iv only read those legends about 17 1/2 times...

Corn on the Cobb said...

that merlin show looked like a steaming pile of shit, still does, now sounds like it does.
i think the original idea was as a prequal, the adventures of a young merlin, that turned to shit when producers decided to put everything in there last minute, screwwing up the myth, the story, and my interest.
i probably shouldn't judge it, but i will.

only good thing is the dragons voiced by john hurt (the elephant man)
but even then, talking dragons are fucking lame, i hate talking animals in movies.
why can a dragon have the vocal cords of a human? takes away all ferocity really.
dragons are to be feared, not to have casual chats to, that are forever wise. who the fuck invented that? if thats in the original story then whatever, it was in the hobbit i suppose, but still...talking dragons shouldnt exist.

they should have done everyone a favor and ended that show in the very first episode with merlin walking in to see the dragon and the dragon starts ripping him to shreds and burns him alive.
this rendition of merlin doesnt deserve to exist if they don't follow the real story

Mary Sue said...

LOL! I was on hulu yesterday and saw a posterish thing on it but didn't click. I was afraid it would be dorky, like Legend of the Seeker.

By the way, V for Vendetta pwns - almost as much as LOTR.

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Yeah it sucks but it's GREAT for weird drinking games! No really... OK it's impossible not to notice that this show is one where the writers have a huge fondness for the word "destiny" and so basically you sit down with a bunch of alcohol and everytime they say the word "destiny" you take a drink... by the end you won't give a f*** about all the inconsistancies! You'll be so pissed you'll think anything is funny...

Double drinks if Merlin complains about not being able to fulfil his destiny. Easiest way to get wasted in the world besides nonstop drinking :P

Rayne said...

look whose boyfriend is a little nerd :)
too bad she still beats him in the nerdiness scale...
proof= she started jumping up and down and squeeling when she saw that bleach had a whole section in the bookstore in Kl...