THOSE sort of awkward conversations

OK first quick thing before we get down to the serious (-ly disturbing) part of this blog (Don't worry... you'll find it amusing) I'd just like to say: woo! 21st post! (Can people please clean out their unfinished drafts?) Which now means that any posts will be pushed back to "older posts" and so to visit them you have to click buttons! Sorry... I know, all that effort... anyhoo, also, a special thankyou to the co-authors of this blog :) You are all wonderful and thankyou for contributing to this blog.... without it I would just be blogging by myself... which I do... so... yeah... woo! We now have a reasonable amount of co-authors. All of which are purely awesome! I hope to have a few more in the future sometime... and they'll all need to visit the first post http://ramblingsofcornflakes.blogspot.com/2008/11/fellow-cornflakes.html or I shall surely find them and hurt them.......... badly... grr (rar)

OK! When reading books or watching a movie and a teenager is all of a sudden confronted by a conversation they can't avoid and didn't know was coming it is sometimes very amusing to me... especially those sorts of talks that happen around the teenage years when your parents notice that you are getting affectionate towards someone else... yes... hilarious! Insant comedy gold every time I see those sorts of things somewhere because I'm incredibly sadistic and love the awkwardness that those poor poor people experience... in fact, I was just reading Eclipse today and Charlie decides to discuss with Bella how serious she is with Edward.... hahahaha!
That's so funny!

... up until the point that it happens to you... yeah... yeah I asked my mother if a very special person could maybe come over during new years eve and this of course involves being with her for an entire night. This in my mother's books is VERY BAD AND WRONG! So very wrong... OK first comes the strange shocking realisation that... I'm only 16! (Really mum!? I didn't know...) So therefore I apparently don't have a brain.

But she says "don't worry I trust you.."

OK now this brainless teenager shouldn't be around other brainless teenagers of the opposite gender unnatended because this will obviously ultimately lead to all sorts of things.... yeah because absolutely no thought or planning or precautions are put into this sort of thing? Yes, I know you're going to be alone and all and (the classic line): "I trust you.... BUT you're probably not going to be thinking of the consequences when the time comes" of course not mum... the last thing I'd be thinking about when I'm finally doing that is your angry face... that kinda ruins the mood if I'm thinking about you beating me across the head... Oh yeah plus your upbringing of me by pouring all those gentlemanly ideas into my head obviously means nothing.... Parents. They think they've done a good a job up until the point that you're 16.... then they don't believe a single thing they've ever said has sunk in and that you're probably going to go do something innapropriate (Hey at my age it's not illegal... so you can't have that issue with it) but don't worry... "I trust you"

Hey how about this deal? I don't disobey you... and you never ever EVER have one of these talks with me EVER again? I'd like that idea...

The idea (that my mother seems to have) is to say "I trust you" as much as she can... then everything else she says basically means "I just don't trust you at all..." OK so just imagine me standing there trying to get around this subject as much as possible and I'm writhing in pain inside because my mother doesn't just make these things uncomfortable because they're naturally uncomfortable... but she somehow tries to make them worse.... OK a prime example is this particular talk involved her mentioning that because I'm 16 that I don't have self control (hell, if I'm not storming out as soon as you bring this topic up just so not to upset you even though I really really want to be anywhere but there listening to you then.... I think I have some self control) and then comes the line...

"I was 16 once too you know I know what it's like..."

AAAGGHHHH!!! AGH! AGH! AGH! AAAAAAGGHHHH!!!! *brain melts* I refuse to think that my mother was ever my age and ever would know what.... the sort of stuff she's trying to make me keep in check is like.... agh! agh! no! my mother has always been over 40! All the photos of her being younger are all photoshopped! My mother was never 16... no... no... no too bad mum that doesn't count as an excuse because you didn't exist until I was 5... because I have no memory of you earlier than that.

This wasn't the worst conversation.... one was about "chilvary" and "not taking advantage" and has the worst possible line a mother could ever tell her son...

"treat her like your sister"

Hey thanks mum! Hahaha yeah OK treat her like my sister.... sorry, are you trying to ruin every relationship I have? I don't want to treat anyone like my sister! AGH! If I treated her remotely like my sister we'd never hug... worst thing you could possibly have just before a date is that line.... my mother apparently doesn't like affection... at all... it's bad and evil. So are grandchildren... which she doesn't want ever even when I'm older... nope. All forms of affection or anything are banned and must be repressed with disturbing mental images....

But don't worry... I'm being cautious and all but it's only because...

"I trust you"

Like hell you do! Parents never trust their children and sometimes they bloody well have reasons behind that! Sometimes they don't! This is one of those times when they don't... I just wish they'd be so naieve like they are about other things ("No don't worry mum A Clockwork Orange has nothing violent or obscene in it.... can I watch it?" "Yeah ok") and that they didn't insist of having one of those kinds of conversations... and if so... just have it once. I heard you the first time! I'm trying to talk over you because I don't like hearing the same thing twice!

Have a nice day :) Because mine was ruined by my brain melting....

Being a Teenager :) SEX!

How to tell you are a teenager.... well, for starters if you can't tell what age you are then you are suffering from amnesia or very very stupid (you dumbfu-) you are also most likely a teenager (or a creepy middle aged man) if you saw the word "SEX!" before you saw anything else in the title and instantly thought "YES! YES I SHALL CLICK ON THIS AND.... read... this... blog... what? awww..."

OK. Being a teenager involves not getting up in the mornings because you enjoy the night so much. If you are currently nocturnal you might just be a teenager, or a creature of the night. Sometimes the two are indistinguishable and both should be avoided if you are over 35. We are youths, don't mess with us... Even though most of us aren't drunk or stoned at night part of being a teenager is enjoying the fact that old people seem to think this therefore will get out of our way if we talk loud enough.

Being a teenager means someone on TV makes a joke about someone else's poor performance and you instantly realise exactly what that means. You also go "haha! oh burn!" and then realise no one else in the room is laughing... But you don't care that the middle aged people surrounding you don't think the vulgarity of the TV is funny because you know that you're the one who is right. Old people generally don't have good sense of humours.... the exceptions are few but as a teenager if you ever find one you think this is absolutely awesome!

Being a teenager means you know a lot of words your parents don't know. But any satirical things on TV that use this slang go way over board and eventually they'll end up saying something no one on earth understands........ just thought I'd mention that even though it's pretty minor. Damn noobs clogging my TV with their screwed up slang. They'd be hell devo if I found them and pwned their butts....

Being a teenager involves a lot of very innapropriate things....


..... *sheepish look*...... oh yeah.....

giggity giggity

Aaaannnyyyyhhhoooooooo.... (That didn't take long! "ooh burn!")

Being a teenager means you are between the ages of 13 and 19.... if you didn't know this you are pretty damn stupid. I'm surprised you can even read! What are you reading this for? This is boring stop reading it...

Being a teenager means you need to amount as many issues about everything you do and how you look and act and fit in to the social groups around you as much as you possibly can.... because if you don't have at least one issue you lose. The more problems you have the more unique you are and so you win! Yay! You all lose because I'm a sexually undecided hyponcondriac bulemic paranoid schizophrenic perfectionist pyromaniac with an inferiority complex and I don't like being touched and have the fear of purple! YOU LOSE! I WIN! I am now the victor for I have no friends because I yell 4-digit prime numbers at anyone who comes near! (3457! 1423! 7919! 5861! 4007! I can go on like this for a very long time you know!)

Being a teenager means you actually understand the internets... and can has undrstandngs ov lolcat speaks... i.e. we have the ability to destroy the english language with ease!

Being a teenager means you don't fully understand other teenagers when they say that they mainly enjoy helping other people because we all have very different opinions.... and everyone else's is WRONG! The Thing That Should Not Be (TTTSNB)... no you don't enjoy things you do a lot of the time but I rarely ever have to do something I don't like and a very large majority of the time I enjoy myself. You're the selfless one because you don't always enjoy yourself... I'm the selfish one because I do? But then it's still ironic for both... I do a seemingly selfless act for a selfish reason yet you make everyone happy but you yourself aren't always that happy...

Being a teenager means lots of things... if you are not one. Run... run away...

.... faster....

Being a teenager means you have a heightened sense of smell and a thirst for blood...