there is no solution

ultimately, what is the point in posting this blog??? why do i even bother posting blogs??? why does anybody??? i suppose we assume that somewhere in the world there are people who care what we have to say. we like to think our oppinions matter. they dont. not really. is my view on the american government going to change things for the better??? does my belief in angels, demons and the evil of humanity change all the bad stuff that is happening in the world??? no, no, no. people like to think that they can make a difference. they cant. one person by themselves has never been able to accomplish anything extraordinary. John Kennedy: great man. no denying he was a brilliant president. but he didnt get there by himself. he didnt single handedly rise to become one of the most powerful and influential people in history.

people need other people to help them climb there way up to the top. clawing like a living hive of human-shaped insects, all reaching for the sky. only the strongest, biggest and smartest insect rises up to become the queen of the hive. there cant be two queens. only the one. think of some other truly exceptional and powerful people. sauron wouldnt have become the scourge of middle earth if he hadnt had piggy backed off of morgoths power and strength. darth vader didnt grow to become the strongest jedi ever without the training of obi wan, mace windu, yoda, and all the other masters. V didnt liberate england from the government by himself: he had the whole of england supporting his revolution. Martin Luther King junior didnt start the downfall of segregation and racism by himself. sure, he was a visionary. he had ideas. he truly was a great man. but he had people helping him. especially his family. yet it was he who was the face of it all. it could just as easily been one of his brothers or sisters, but it was him. he was the strongest of the hive. he became the next queen.

i have a riddle for you all: what is the main defining differance between a king and his horse??? and no bull-shit answers like one has 4 legs and one has two, or one is the dominent species on the planet and one is just the king. the correct answer is INSTINCT. the king sits on top because he knows he belongs there. the horse carries his king into battle because he knows deep down that that is what his mission in life is: to be beneath his precious king. but what happens when the horse suddenly realises: im bigger, stronger, and faster than the king. people like horses more than some stuck up inbred with more money than them. what if i want to be the one on top for once??? the king can be my horse from now on. and thats how the world works. instinct tells us to get behind certain people because "its what my place in life is to do". we vote for barak obama because were just lowely citizens. he's the king. well, he will be with our support.

great, so we elect a king. now what??? we sit back and watch the world implode, thats what. im not saying obama's going to be a bad president. quite the opposite, i think he'll do brilliantly. but i think its wrong to appoint a single person as head of anything to be honest. because the single person we vote for brings with him a wide aray of other people. one president, off the top of my head, also insates a vice president, secretary of defence, sky marshal, lots of ministers, advisors, polititians, and god knows how many shit loads of others. and the bad thing is we only choose one person who then chooses about a hundred others.

whatever happened to the good old days of real kings and queens??? it was so much simpler back then. in those days, if you didnt like the king, you killed them. then the next in line steps up and takes his place. no fuss about voting, no electing new ministers and secretaries, none of that bullshit. and if this king didnt do a good job, you killed him. or very rarely the people stepped up and forced the king down, as evident with james I. we have unfortunately lost that power. if kevin rudd died tomorow, there would be a lot of fuss, hunting down of the killer, big funeral, big hoo-ha, then after 3 months of wasting the australian peoples time, we would have to go back and vote for a new prime minister. then he would have to shuffle everything around to make room for all HIS big ideas. worse still, if we didnt like this new prime minister, we cant just kill them and get it over with. killing wastes 3 months of time. the only true way to end it is to let the prime minister serve out his term, then vote for someone who might possibly be even worse. we dont care though, we just wanna get rid of ole whats-his-name prime minister there. then when the new one turns out to be worse, we gotta wait till HIS term is up again. man, what a drag.

back to my original pont, people cant rise up to power unless they have a load of people backing them. but once the person obtains power, the people lose their influence. the person in power no longer thinks they need any one else to help them on the way. they clawed to the top position in teh hive, now they can sit back and let the drones and workers carry out each little demeaning task while the queen eats, gets fat, and occasionally pops one out. the queens set for life. and, as with humans, no-one really thinks to do anything about the queens lazy behavior. they wait for her to die, then go and start a new hive with a new queen. if this queens the same as the previous, alright, il write an angry letter, then il let her die of old age! mwuhahaha!!!

unity is the only true power in the world these days. and it should remain the only power.

take my group of friends for example. none of us tries to act as the king. we co-exist in somewhat equal grips of power, wich for a high school student is pitifully little. but like government, occasionally things go wrong. sometimes one will be cast aside like nothing at all. someone new will rise up to take their place.

sorry, that sounds morbid, dark and unfair. i love all my friends. they are my one true family in this world. but sometimes i wonder if they see me in the same way. lately i have been thinking maybe not. one of my friends is now so obsessed with her boyfriend she spends all her time with him now. she didnt even say hi to me today. or anyone else for all i know. then theres my other friend who doesnt go to school anymore, so i hardly get to see her. and she might be moving back to sydney. so chances are il see her even less. another friend (well, more a slightly annoying assosciate who wont shut up about her boyfriend) is in the same boat as other friend with boyfriend. only he doesnt go to out school. so most of the day she sits away from us dreaming about him. well thats what i like to think anyway.

i just feel like everything good i once had in my life is slowly slipping away and i have no way to stop it. end of last year, i was a failure, sure, but i was happy. i had my friends, what more could i ask for??? now i harldy get to see 3 of them. thats not all though. one of my best friends, all she seems to do now is tell me how predictable and stupid i am. its getting annoying and i am starting to really hate her whenever she said stuff like that. wich is surprisingly often. but i feel bad for hating it, cause she is one of my best friends. another friend of mine seems to not want to tell me anything, despite the fact im usually one of the first she turns to for help when things get really bad. but she wont talk to me about anything bothering her. and im worried. and lately, especially today, whenever im around her, its like when you've just walked in to one of those conversations and had everyone stop talking and realise they were either talking about you, sharing an in-joke, or talking anout stuff they dont want others, or maybe just you, to hear.

another friend: its almost like a yo-yo. yesterday we were fine, talking and laughing like nothing at all. today......it was almost like i was being ignored. not on purpose, i hope not, but you know the feeling. and its also been one of those days were every joke was made at your expense. and i mean almost every single joke too. literally, like im not even half joking. maybe i just tuned in to the ones about me, or maybe not. but either or, it stung quite a bit. then theres this other friend i have. absolute legend, awsome person, but it just seems like everything and everyone's started revolving around said person. and they circle the person. and im on the outside. said person makes me feel very.......whats the word......threatened, i suppose??? said person is an awsome person, and people have good reason to like said person. but sometimes i long for the days were said person wasnt such a big part of our group. cause now its like im being replaced. in every sense of the word. i admit said person is a better all round human than i, but it hurt to realise that other people are starting to realise it too.

especially people who are important to me.

im not in the right headspace. i might delete this. i dont know. its weird. im lonely. maybe all this is just a subconcious cry for attention. i hope not. or im more pathetic than i thought. probably true. its all so confusing. everything is just sliding downhill and leaving me standing at the top. and the worst thing of all??? there is no solution. its not something i can just turn around and say, this isnt right, lets fix it up now. i feel bad for even thinking this way. its not like its happening on purpose. but what if it is??? what if its not all a deranged fantasy of mine??? thats delving intot he psychotic. but i realise it is psychotic. so obviously im not crazy. unless its only the truly insane who realise that they are. the truly insane who know their monsters, but go on anyway. well thats not the type of monster i imagine becoming. so ill keep it all bottled up, and il put on a happy face. and if anyone asks whats wrong, il be like, nothing im fine. because as long as you are on the surface, everyone assumes that you are. most dont read deeper than that. some do. and they will persist with asking whats up, but i wont tell. il retreat into myself and store it up. its the healthy thing to do for other people. i dont really like unburdening myself onto others. plus i'd be a hypocrite. so yea, thats what il do. gotta stay positive. and this, folks, makes my longest blog to date!!!